


Awkward

by iloveitblue



Series: Prompts [59]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M, Phil is an awkward potato
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-09
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-08 04:28:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1926639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iloveitblue/pseuds/iloveitblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Phil sucks at dating</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The thing was, Phil Coulson was  _horrible_ at relationships.

Give him a gun and a 5-minute briefing, he can take down a whole HYDRA compound single-handedly and that isn’t even an exaggeration because he actually did that once. 

But give him someone’s number, details on everything and anything they like/hate, a schedule he can follow for the evening and Phil could still mess up the date. Sad to say, this also  _isn’t_  an exaggeration.

One time, he tried dating a girl Jasper had set him up with. She was nice enough to take control of the evening when Phil didn’t. She also asked questions when Phil didn’t but that only led to Phil staying quiet or shrugging because the answers would be somewhere along the lines of ‘Classified Information’. After the date, she politely refused Phil’s offer of a second one.

Phil tried looking for dates on his own too. He went to bars and places where you pick up people but that didn’t stick too well either. He was horrible at picking people up. He’d order two drinks before asking the person if they actually wanted a drink and that resulted to Coulson shoving someone they like some form of drink, like a child giving his teacher a Valentine’s Day card.

He was also horrible at being picked up. He didn’t get the lines they used on him and he’d answer rhetorical questions. He laughed at all the wrong times and remained quiet at all the punch lines.

The few times that the picking up part of the night actually went well yielded the same results. He was a clumsy kisser and an even clumsier lover. There was even one partner Coulson had that he managed to accidentally send to the hospital. Phil had elbowed him when the guy  tried to spoon Coulson.

There was just something about dating and meeting new people and being with someone that unnerved Coulson. He almost always becomes this awkward, clumsy, boring, and totally unsexy being.

That’s why when Clint Barton asked him out on a date, his first instinct was to say no. He didn’t want Barton to be another name to add to the list of disappointed dates he’s had. But Coulson didn’t want to say no. He really,  _really_  wanted to say Yes because he really  _really_  liked Barton. 

So he did.

The date had gone as horribly as Coulson predicted (let’s just say there was fire involved) but surprisingly, Barton was still smiling at the end of the night and told him he had fun and went as far as to ask Coulson for a next time.

Coulson had butterflies in his stomach for a whole day, after that. 

They went out again.

and again,

_and again._

and Phil just didn’t get it. There were dates that were better than the others, but there were also some that were worse than the last. Don’t get him wrong, he was happy that Barton was still with him because, again, he really  _really_  liked Clint. It’s just that usually people would be gone by now, even if Phil tried. With Clint, he it seemed like he  _didn’t_   _have to._

—-

Clint had his head rested on Phil’s chest while they watched Dog Cops and Phil was carding his hand through Clint’s hair.

"I’m sorry, what?" Clint asked, horrified.

"It’s just… Why  _do_  you stay with me? I’m not the most skilled partner, and I’m way clumsier than I usually am when I’m around you. Some people just find that annoying, to be honest. But you’re still here. with me.”

"Okay, let’s get one thing straight. Are you breaking up with me?" Clint asks, looking worried and sad and why was he giving Phil ‘the face’?

"No. Of course not! Never that." Phil says hastily. "I’m just curious is all. I mean nobody ever came back for a second date. Except for you. and now 2 years later, we’re still together. and I’m just… you know… why?"

Clint sighs in relief. “Okay, Have you seen yourself try and flirt? It’s cute! like take a basket full of kittens and puppies and put a bow on each of them and they have nothing on you when you try to flirt.”

"That’s not really a complime-"

"And your pillow talk? Priceless." Clint rolls his eyes. "You have this dopey smile on your face that’s just so contagious and the things you say are so not what I expect that I can’t help but love them! I mean seriously! Who talks about filing a report for getting attacked by poisonous snakes after giving someone a blowjob because you remembered that you had to suck on the bite to get the poison out before it spreads?"

"To be fair, that was your wound I had to-"

"You also have this thing. This thing where you switch. When you’re with me, you’re this sappy, awkward and lovable Phil; but on the field or in HQ, you’re this totally badass, no nonsense, I-don’t-give-a-shit-just-get-it-done Coulson. It’s totally hot. and the fact that I’m the only one who gets to see both sides makes me love you even more."

Phil fights down the blush, but he knows its a losing battle when Clint grins at him. He rolls his eyes instead and Clint kisses his nose for all his troubles.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For WitchWarren

Tony Stark is many things.

He’s a genius - nobody would argue with that. He’s a billionaire - He has a tower with his name on it to prove it too. Correction; had a tower. He’s a Philanthropist - what else was a billionaire gonna do with all that money? Buy a suit of armor? Been there, done that and he built that puppy, genius remember? He’s a playboy - or actually, was a playboy. Being in an exclusive relationship with Pepper wasn’t exactly playboy material, now is it?

Bottom line is that Tony Stark knows how the dating game works - or at least the picking-someone-up-at-a-random-bar-and-having-a-one-night-stand game works. 

And Phil Coulson? Well…

Phil Coulson is many things too. Just not very good at Tony’s game.

So Tony, being the good person that everybody knows and loves, he tries to help Pepper’s new BFFFFFFFFF or whatever they call it these days.

The first time, Tony sent out his best. Meaning, he called up the best girl that would match Phil’s preference. Refined, Educated, Doesn’t ask too many questions, Beautiful. 

It was perfect.

Up until Tony found out that Natalie Rushman was actually Natasha Romanov. Talk about an awkward first date.

But Tony Stark is also known for his stubbornness. So he tries again. and again. 

He’s at the end of his line when Coulson managed to hospitalize one of Tony’s business associates. Phil says it was honestly an accident. Tony doesn’t doubt it.

Tony set him up on another when Phil declined. “I appreciate you trying to help, Mr. Stark but I can handle myself.” Phil told him.

That was a joke right? Should he laugh? ‘Coz that joke wasn’t funny at all. “What do you mean you don’t need my help? Of course you do! And I’ve got just the perfect guy for you!” 

"Thanks, but no thanks." Phil insisted.

"But why?" It may have come out as a whine.

"I’ve got… arrangements." Well.

"You have a date." Tony saw the need to reiterate "You actually found yourself a date" He should really fix his brain to mouth filter.

Phil sighed and then there was silence. “More of he asked me.”

"Coulson, you dog.” Tony teased.

—-

Two years, an alien invasion, and the death/resurrection of one Agent Phil Coulson later, Tony finally had the pleasure of meeting Phil’s mystery guy.

Clint Barton.

Turns out, Phil didn’t need Tony’s help at all. Clint loves him awkwardness and all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/99311499716/i-know-how-to-ask-for-a-persons-name-in-french)

**Author's Note:**

> [Here on tumblr](http://promptmephlint.tumblr.com/post/91270984486/people-are-hating-on-the-org-that-i-was-once-an)


End file.
